MAXIDUS

unmasked.

2012-01-24T14:37:00.000-05:00

You people wear your masks each day afraid to show the fragile
Do you even know who you are?
You don't know
All you know is what they told you to be.
You're so predictable, I know your life before you live it
Hopeless, hopeless, hopelessly lost
Always looking for love. Love always looking for.
It can't be grasped or held
Exhausted from the endless search
Love comes from... Where does it come from?
Who is it's Creator?
Ahh... the Creator!
Find the Creator and find Love?
You people are so mechanical
I know your next move. Boring!

You people wear your masks each day afraid to show the fragile
Do you even know who you are?
You don't know
All you know is what they told you to be.

photography by Bobbi Jo Brooks.

the story unmasked.

there's a story behind this poem. i lost a treasure and now it has been found. i was so young when i wrote this! it had to be late fall in 1997... you see, i was dancing with the Fort Lauderdale Ballet Classique and remember being at a dress rehearsal for the Nutcracker performance that we performed seasonally as is accustomed around that time of year. i parked my car in the auditorium's parking lot, and then while commencing with hours of rehearsals and run-through's, there was some commotion among the crew and stage managers backstage. There was talk about a car being broken into and whose it was. word travels fast and when i came outside, the window to my Mitsubishi Eclipse was indeed smashed on the passenger side, and "they" took some of my most valuable items, or so "they" thought. in fact what was taken would not be of much value to them at all, but to me, priceless!

i left my vintage light brown leather bowling bag in the passenger seat. the contents were irreplaceable, but not what the criminals expected. my "book" was in that bag, also known as a model's portfolio - gone! the photos were amazing and i am still proud to have worked with some of the greatest photographers in the industry. the only good thing is that most of the photos were already saved digitally and could be replaced. i also carried a portable dvd player around that i used for possible presentations with my music. that too was gone, but not much of a concern to me. but the most dear item to me that was taken was my journal that held in it all my creative thoughts and poetry, lyrics and anything else that came to my creative mind. this was my treasure! i can imagine these thieves thinking that they found a bag that contained money or credit cards, or something that could be sold on the streets for a few hundred dollars, but when they looked in, they probably just threw it all away disappointed from all that effort. but out of all the inconvenience, my journal and the fact that it may be gone forever devastated me. i didn't want to even think that i placed it in that bag, but deep down i knew i'd lost it and was praying that i was careless in this one instant. the only thing on my mind was to get home and find this book safe. searching all around i knew it was gone, but i still looked in different places where i could have possibly left it, still hoping that i didn't do what i know i did.

it was this poem, now named "unmasked" that had always haunted my conscience. i so loved the first line imprinted on my mind: "You people where masks each day afraid to show the fragile". i wanted to revisit this thought more and to craft this lost treasure and bring it to its fruition, but i knew it was now lost and gone forever and i would never be able to remember exactly what i said. i had the option to rewrite this poem and it could go in many different ways, but what was a trying to say at such a young age and why? and how could i replace the essence of what was now lost? and now looking back i realize it was a profound opening statement that i still cherish today!

i've been in Miami for some time now, cleaning out my whole life and the things in it. i stumbled upon this old journal given to me by a girlfriend a while back on my birthday - she writing the first entry, encouraged me to write and fill it with all my creative ideas. somehow i must have copied this poem from the journal that had been stolen. it's funny now, because i've looked through this before desperately that it might be there and for years the pages that contained it had missed my eyes. after all these years, i have found my lost treasure!

usually i make major edits on my writings that i publish, crafting the words, shapes and punctuation. but in this case i have generally left this as is, in it rawest form. i've only made small changes with line structure and punctuation. it has not been reworked. the only major word change is in the first line where i replaced the word "every" with "each" as it had been rehearsed in my mind for years. for me it shows a young mind at work exploring topics that are still important to me that still need to be fleshed out and possibly reworked in the future. but until then, i hope this poem does all it can to those who read it

love/hate.

2011-12-07T01:34:00.001-05:00

Love.
Hate.
I hate Love.
Probably because it grasps me so and won't let go.
Loose me from your grasp!
It chokes me with a warmth that soothes with
Such, sweet, agony.
It's pleasure is my pain - hurting to perfection.
There's nothing left - loving me relentlessly
Loving me to death.
My life was in you.
Tempting me with tastes that torment when taken away,
But I am here. Naked. Shivering before you.
Cold winds hiss, delighting in spite to crush my will.
Yet I won't succumb to ungodly rule.
I've come to realize, these lies but only speak the truth
Of what you fear in me. Fear in me!
You hear in me, though I do not say a word;
And still I reach my arms to you and will not let you go.
I will not let you go.
Hate me? Maybe so.
I will... not!
Love.

this... may it be.

2011-11-02T21:24:00.000-04:00

I'm writing to, and for you tonight.
Because this... is all I have.
And even so, the blade I'm given
Cannot cut the depths
Of how I feel.
And I don't want to feel... this!
So I 'm writing to you now.
I will not write of her - not yet,
For in those... words - if they
Exist or could be ever uttered,
Would bring about my very death
In one instant. A good death!
That I am moving closer -
Take in all of these... words.
I've said too much and far too less
And need not make
Of what others call "sense".
But those... who have been touched by
The essence masked within
The craft of what I claim to be,
Know the love inside of me
Flirts within, but lies outside of what
This... mind can barely fathom!
I give my all and nothing simply because I am
As much, not less I want to be; but
Daily find myself falling - failing at every
Attempt.
This... is the life for me?

In this... I pray a seed is planted
Of what this... love should be.

presence.

2011-10-12T22:09:00.002-04:00

I stand in the Presence of what I've been searching
Feeling only now that, maybe it's always been there
What now? My body trembles... trembles.
Confused as to if it be delight or fear
I am addicted in an instant, yet bear no guilt
And crave a fix of what I am already feeding
Before I've had my full, I am begging for a fill.
It's this same drug that I'm forever pleading:
"More, give me more. I want more!"
And then this voice... gently whispers

night moon.

2011-10-01T23:26:00.000-04:00

Night Moon, I call on you to sing!
Sing a song as I lay down awaiting dreams.
Tell of adventures from times long ago
Of heroes fighting for love and a place where souls can grow.
Night Moon, it's the sweetness of your voice that delights
My heart to thump in anticipation of dark nights.
And we are one. United with you in each day most well spent
Pushing for dreams as I dream of your song
That no ears have heard like this before.
Sing to me Night Moon!
Sing your song to me again once more.

being.

2011-09-14T18:55:00.000-04:00

Why was I born? To carry this burden...
Fitting nicely on my back.
Heap on!
Took my vow - nah go bow!
Just ask me how? Secrets I cannot know.
But I know, relatively speaking, that
Time is no master of mine.
Where am I to go in this jungle of brick and stone?
I roam as a king without a throne
But i am not alone. I am not alone.
Convince me against my convictions
That I do not speak the truth!
Otherwise, we are all living a lie.
I've given up all within my very being
And yet still I love... more than I could fathom.
Being.
That's all I have (at least right now)
And share with you. Do you feel... me?
It may not be much, but I give.
It is everything.
Isn't it?

the voice that calls.

2011-09-06T20:00:00.004-04:00

I am in love. But this love of mine bears no name.
She calls me. Tender whispers that like light winds,
brush against my soul.
Helpless. Where shall I run to that which has no face?
Straining my eyes - see only a faint image.
Do not torture with your teases. Come closer, speak louder!
Searching the eyes of passers by, and hoping that voice within is the same.
Tell me your name? Let me touch your soft skin.
These lips have been saved for your lips and my Kiss!
Wanting nothing more or less than the voice that calls me.
You are in love. Can you hear me calling?
Quiet your mind for a minute or two... there.
Here I am and will always be. This... will never die!

deep roots.

2011-08-09T16:58:00.004-04:00

Sink your roots deep within the warmth of my soil
The moist dark earth feeds love all around you.
Dig deep within the blackness, the work well worth it's toil
Then just lay and rest in me - enjoy this love that's true.
Your skin is silk with softness and blessed your body firm
Now blowing in the summer breeze - light kisses from sun's rays
are planted on your glowing face, I'd like to take a turn;
But I lay low beneath the earth in darkness all these days.
Yet all these days are night to me, and lived a life of death
Until your seeds were planted deep, now know why I'm alive
Resuscitating all my life, you are my every breath
Go deeper still, I beg you! May our love forever thrive.

You are the plant of my life, growing strong these summer days
But deeper still you grow within, and fills my soul with praise!

sweet sister.

2011-07-31T21:38:00.003-04:00

Sweet sister, I realize that something has been placed
Inside of me - a love for you from outside of me.
Where has it been all this time and can it be traced?
Throughout this world, no where and no man's eyes can see.
Now the heart of my soul is awaken
From the sound of your soft voice that soothes
That calls to mind a time and place long gone and forsaken
Not held in past, but present... and future - it moves
And so moved I am for this thing that can never die
Though so long and silent, it's always been and will ever be.
Dance with me again my dear, your hand in mine we'll fly
Above all rain's tears, a place where souls fly free

Turn back to the Love we love - to the road filled with blood and pain
Embrace again Who still loves you, and forever will remain.

Sunday Reflections: "bad card", great moment.

2011-07-04T20:31:00.003-04:00

i'm listening to music again. sometimes as i'm in the process of creating, i just cleanse myself from as much sound within my control. but now and unexpectedly, my culture made a surprise return visit in the form of "Bad Card", a song written by Robert Nesta Marley on the Uprising album. i remember the album because when i first heard this tune, i had to get my own, purchased in Kingston, Jamaica (land we love). this is not one of Marley's more popular and commercial of tracks, but it should always have been. "Bad Card" holds so much sentiment and emotion that has just burst back in my life - as if i hit an oil line that had been considered dry a fairly long time. (as i write, i listen to this song on constant repeat.) so how did this song just explode back into my conscious? i was spending time at a friends apartment in Brooklyn. we were just chillin' out to his extensive and eclectic music from his mac. he had no specific playlist, but randomly i heard some Marley. but then this... "Bad Card" came on and it took me to one very memorable moment.

does not music place you back to certain moments of life? even as i listen now, i am a youth again, walking the streets of Kingston, enjoying the heat of the day and the smells of roast breadfruit and pan chicken sold cheap on the summertime streets. i listen more... and i am but a child who finds this one record of Bob Marley, "Natty Dread". my parents? strict and ol' school, yet even they couldn't turn their eyes away from a fellow countryman who changed the world with his voice. my parents didn't encourage the use of "us" speaking pat-wah. for that was not how "we" spoke. but it was funny to hear them move far away from this when me, or either my brother or sister were being punished. and when guests came over it all started out proper, but a few white rum and cokes, or Guinness and Red Stripes later, that all fell by the wayside.

Natty Dread was my first introduction to Bob Marley and his music. i don't remember my age, but i was well under 8 years of age when i found and took it into my room, locked the door and listened over and over again - each song a multiple of times. (like now!) i would listen to that record for hours at a time for nights on end. you know those points in a song that make you... when you hear it, you want to hold on to it forever? sometimes there's a build up to it and then that moment... and then it's gone! so i have to listen to it again. i want to get inside it. be in it and keep that moment or moments for ever. this album had all the lyrics in the record sleeve and, although it wasn't accurate, i learned every song. i wrote out all the lyrics on a pad of yellow legal paper that my father allowed me to use. i wanted to evoke his soul! Bob Marley was entering me as i dissected every aspect of what made him who he has been to all that come in contact with his music. i was studying this man, though i did not know it at the time - playing this record over and over again; holding the cover and looking at all the pictures and trying to understand - to see the soul rebel within those eyes.

i still never really defined what it was that i was doing as a child that still follows me even now. still craving that note, or those notes that lead to that one note or moment i can't ever hold on to. how about the way one inflects his or her voice in a way that is just... right. but i still love the challenge to capture or experience that... thing that it does to me and hold it forever. always fleeting, but still grasping... over and over again.

now i'm "back a yaad": Jamaica. i am in my teens and this time is special! because Jamaica has qualified for the world cup for the 1st time and my father had acquired tickets for us with some friends in a box right next to P.J. Paterson, our prime minister at the time. i don't quite remember if we had already qualified or not, but tensions were not high, and we seemed to have had enough points even with a tie. there were murmurings about three players from England and the premiere league, but because they were of Jamaican descent were able to represent. it was a good thing because they were good and organized, so i don't know what all the fuss was about.

we made it to Jamaica National Stadium! my (half) brother and his wife were there as well as "Uncle" Dennis, a close family friend. i remember being in that stadium before. running for Olympic trials as a 400 meter hurdler. the place was packed with everyone wearing the countries colors with great pride. ah, the people - my people! music is the heartbeat of the people, and the speaker boxes were stacked high and played as often as there was no action on the field. it was a party before, during and after the game. i had to have my father get some pepper shrimp they were selling and downed a Guinness or two. my father is a different person when in Jamaica. he is happy and seems more... free.

the game went along great and i was enjoying the experience. now it is half time and the players have left the field. but i could never predict or expect to believe what just was about to happen. the selector, or dj, played "Bad Card"! sounds simple at first - for the stadium was filled with all sorts of great tunes playing time and again. but when this song played, it transcended the whole stadium to unity in one instant. the song starts with just a few measures of music, and then that voice: "dem a - go tired fi see we face, can't get we out of the race..." the crowd erupted, but in sync and in a rhythm that only Jamaicans possess! the words speak so much more in those two lines that can be written down. as the "massives" move and sung to this song, i too, danced and sung along, honored knowing i was apart of something very unique and special. this little country, this island that can not and will not be ignored by the world remains and thrives and defies all odds and obstacles without any apologies. when a tune does what "Bad Card" did that day, only one thing can happen. it is traditional for the selector to wheel that track back and play it again.

he builds it up to a point and then it halts and then is replayed with great fan fair. hmm... this sounds familiar. maybe he understands that we all long for that one moment that we wish could hold on to and would last for ever. he did this over and over again as there was no protest. i was filled with so much pride, joy and excitement to watch my people - to be apart of a rich culture that "they" just cannot get "we" out of the race. the song speaks of a game where one of the players draws a bad card, but this... was a great moment!

"Agony." performed and choreographed by MAXIDUS

2011-06-02T13:34:00.004-04:00

When approached to present a performance piece for the opening exhibit entitled, "Preludes" to be performed at the Salt Space in Manhattan, I decided to take on the emotional mindset of Jesus Christ as he made His way to the Garden of Gethsemane. I consider this a daring challenge, and as such, I could not pass up.

I wanted to wrestle with the thoughts and struggles while in the garden that He (Jesus) endured between His "humanness" and His "Godness". Knowing His mission from before the beginning of time, and now with the time now upon Him, how greatly He revealed this duality in such an intimate setting. Jesus was sorrowful to the point of death! Sweats of blood! He cries out to His Father to have to have Him excused from the very point of His earthly calling. Why?

I have entitled this piece "Agony".

April 23, 2011 at Salt Space, New York City

Poetry In Music: The Poets (2nd reading)

2011-05-28T22:20:00.004-04:00

In this clip we feature the Poets L.L. Barkat and Maxidus as they present their work in the 2nd reading.

"Poetry In Music" was held on the night of the 17th of September, 2010.

Poetry In Music: The Poets (1st reading)

2011-05-21T15:55:00.005-04:00

There is power in a single spoken word. Music is also a power that moves the soul. "Poetry In Music" is poetry in motion to music and the marriage between the two.

Singer/Songwriters Brooke Campbell and Jason Harrod were joined by poets L.L Barkat & Maxidus to present this unique approach of words and song to New York City at the Bowery Poetry Club. This special evening was presented by Zoae Arts!

From out of chaos and anticipation, words are spoken. Silence... Poetry alone is given in its rawest and purest form. As the poems continue and the poets alternate turns, music emerges! Musicians from the first performer's band began weaving into the words with improvisation of what the poet presented, interacting with and reacting to words. As the poets interchange, musicians will one by one add to the setting until all is filled with full sounds and words. In this clip we feature the Poets L.L. Barkat and Maxidus as they present their work in the 1st reading.

"Poetry In Music" was held on the night of the 17th of September, 2010.

wealthy.

2011-05-16T22:16:00.005-04:00

If dreams be all I have and love, then I am truly rich.
Can they be held within these arms of mine?
Or will I sink in quicksand, or rot within the ditch?
Awaiting for that outstretched hand, or a saving vine.
A line is all I ask of you, I feel our dream has died
And living only as I sleep, then death will be my wake.
My cries! My cries all but ignored, though weary I have tried
Am I alone? Can no one see and lay a hand to take?
In stillness I recall a time when heaven fell on earth
And in these arms and with these lips, love sealed within My Kiss
Now with these eyes I wait to see me rise up from this hell
A dream that just will not let go. The dream that you will miss!

As one who seeks some treasure, now holds to something new;
The dream in me is yet alive, though it has died in you.

agony. (a brief description)

2011-04-22T00:30:00.009-04:00

Performance: April 23, 2011 6p at Salt Space: 1158 Broadway, New York City

When approached to present a performance piece for the opening exhibit entitled, “Preludes” to be performed at the Salt Space in Manhattan, I decided to take on the emotional mindset of Jesus Christ as he made His way to the Garden of Gethsemane. I consider this a daring challenge, and as such, I could not pass up.

Research began with Biblical texts from the four gospels as well as Peter Gabriel's music on the Passion. I also focused on Mel Gibson's movie version that starts the opening scene in the Garden. Having performed in Israel, I also draw on the memories of that environment: its culture and long history. This is probably the most physical and intense of performances I have taken on in dance, and all this on hard wood floors.

This is also a collaborative effort with percussionist and drummer, Anthony Taddeo. I wanted to have him present sounds that were not as what the western ear traditionally hears.

Anthony uses a 5 piece drum set, a Cajon from Peru, and a frame drum from North Africa. He uses a combination of different beaters depending on the emotion that is being evoked and the tempo; and trying to find the balance between interaction with the dancer and what he feels the music is trying to convey through an amazing story.

Mickey Miklos’ handling of the lighting in this performance greatly enhances the mood of the piece. He transfixes the space and lights the walls that casts haunting shadows of the performer; with deep dark colors surrounded by complete darkness, Mickey’s skill has helped provide an eerie and intense feel.

I wanted to wrestle with the thoughts and struggles while in the garden that He (Jesus) endured between His “humanness” and His “Godness”. Knowing His mission from before the beginning of time, and now with the time now upon Him, how greatly He revealed this duality in such an intimate setting. Jesus was sorrowful to the point of death! Sweats of blood! He cries out to His Father to have to have Him excused from the very point of His earthly calling. Why?

I have entitled this piece “Agony”.

(Sketch by: Gwen Hannan Meharg)

Sunday Reflections: "bad card", great moment.

2011-04-12T00:39:00.016-04:00

at once.

2011-04-01T00:44:00.009-04:00

When I met her... again, at once I gazed in her eyes
Needing confirmation in the thing that never lies.
Had I created in her... a sort of super woman friend?
At last I'll know that what was lived was not merely pretend.
My heart beat fast as did my legs the closer I did come
A figure of this wild beauty, she had to be the one
And at first glance the truth had won - a power that was more
Much more than did my mind create - much greater than before.
The world spun round as I did her in my arms off the ground
And will she ever know she symbols something I have found?

(Painting by: Suz Hartman "The Embrace 4")

Sunday Reflections: a blockbuster night.

2011-03-21T01:29:00.026-04:00

New York can be a lonely place for any determined artist, especially one that has always cherished family. i was living in the upper east side at the time and was just feeling... well, maybe not home sick per se. it's just that most of my closest friends and loved ones are scattered all over the world. i am so driven in my work and often times perplexed. it takes so much of my time that casual socializing is a distant after thought. who has time for that when there's a world to conquer! i'm quite content with my situation for the most part, because i always say (or convince myself) that i would rather be alone than to waste time with superficial acquaintances. don't get me wrong, i love the good friends i have made in the city (as busy as these over-achievers are), but there are those that are so special to me, that i wish they were here more times than not. but at the oddest times i am reminded of this when i get an email, text, facebook or skype message. i even made friends with one that bbm's me from Spain. it is in these odd times that i realize the true strength in what i have no matter how isolated i've been or how far away they may be. true love and closeness is farther reaching than any distance or time!

on several occasions i would take walks a block or two away to this convenient store nearby. there was a deli just a few feet away that i started boycotting because they charged almost $4.00 for a Cadbury's Fruit & Nut chocolate bar and almost $8.oo for one sleeve of Oreo cookies. the extra 1 1/2 blocks walk was defiantly well worth it.

i always passed by the Blockbuster store in order to get to the deli i had chosen over the one nearby. ah! the bright blue lights brought back memories of times when (at least) i think there was less preoccupation with pressure or the stress that is life. there was no such thing as Netflix, so on weekends while in grade school, i would often spend it over friends where the only thing that was stressing was how much fun and adventure we could squeeze in within a night and two days. i had a ritual when entering this magic movie land. i always started from the end of the alphabet and made my way around to the beginning - narrowing my search with a mental note of my favorites and taking up the movies that only had 1 or 2 remaining on the shelf. the other trick i learned was to ask the front desk about the recent returns. sometimes you would get a nice lucky gem that would otherwise be considered out, before they restocked them onto the shelves.

i remembered! i remembered the excitement and anticipation that i had in going, and also maybe even getting an expensive single bag of microwave popcorn just in case we had run out of what we had at home. i would also have to throw in a vanilla coke as an extra treat as well. (that became my favorite choice when cravings rose for junk food.)

well, i passed by this Blockbuster a few times too many! daring to go in, but saying to myself that at this day and age it was not in the least worth it. and why would anyone want to walk into a store when you can have a movie sent to your doorsteps, or just stream it right to your tv... but this night was different and i wanted not to think about my career and the work and the sacrifice that comes with much isolation. this night i wanted to re-live a time it seemed i was constantly smiling - smiling and shining inside and out, and not caring about much of anything else! when i entered, the salesman said hello as they are made to do, but i took it with a conscious sense of such great appreciation as i gave an extra effort in kindness and extending the brief conversation. i went in and picked out my movies - starting as i did before, from the end of the alphabet and making my way around. my insides were all a-stir as i made it my point to indulge in this joyful homage to happy past memories and purchased 3 overpriced rentals, got the Act II Movie Theatre Butter popcorn and a giant size pack of Gummie Bears... and of course i got a vanilla coke! my night was nothing less than a blockbuster!!!

vanity day.

2011-02-14T02:53:00.005-05:00

This is the day for the love pretender
Of which I will not take part
Once I too, an inadequate offender
When loved... I with all my heart.
No more shall prove a love that is
A thing so vast, now inside of me
Agree that you may never, My Kiss
Afraid of what your eyes can't see.
I make no pleas, for I a lesser fool
This day not lived in vanity
Freedom is the only rule
And Love is Freedom's key.

dreamer in cage.

2011-01-21T03:09:00.008-05:00

The dreamer still dreams though locked in cage
Longing to ride winds invisible waves
Will he fly? One day, one day - future hard to gauge
Future? Now! And is now all he craves.
Sitting in silence, inside's all a roar
Uncertain, but searching a path and escape
His fate? He waits, can he take it much more?
Fear wrestles Hope sending chills up his nape.
He wants to escape, but Time he awaits
Learning the hard way his struggle's in vain
To think one can lock within prisons and gates
Free souls flying higher through turmoil and pain.
Tis insane how this dreamer still dreams in cage
Locked in cage, but riding winds waves
He is riding winds waves... there is no cage
The future?
Now!

home. searching. beauty.

2010-12-07T22:08:00.022-05:00

I want to go home, but where is my home?
Home is where the heart is, but where is my heart!
My heart hovers boundless in the night’s sky.
Still searching for that home in which to rest.
But now and again, a bit of home comes to me – I to her.
This temporary visit provides me with nourishment
and warmth that keeps me going just enough as I trod this path alone.

Alone… Alone? Am I now alone? Some would say that I am not.
The feelings are contrary to this fact.
It either is or isn’t no matter how deep the heart
may sink at times; but my fragile heart bleeds out this pain
constantly as I march forward on “The Mission” I have been given.
Transforming myself into what I need to be and know I can be
to accomplish this primary task. Absorbing all I can from
the souls that touch my life and those in whom I want to touch.

To touch and be touched is a gift I am deprived of from those
too far to enjoy this warm sensation. It causes me to savor and
cherish any opportunity when I can have this.

This sheds some insight on the secret of my craft – a lonely soul,
bloodied in pain for those I love so far away.
Searching for home, a place to rest in the warm arms of a love
that is out of this world.

To be touched in a way that would satisfy my cravings
for eternity. Yet a soldier, “on a mission, with a vision,
just listen, here’s how it goes…”

I want to cry out the pain and the joys for all to hear and see.
To make a presentation in the courts of Kings – among the
watchful eyes of those on earth. Though it appears to be me,
it is not me; but creating beauty
out of pure beauty itself.
And thus, this flawed beauty,
in union with absolute beauty,
just may delight all and draw them to
that same beauty.

wounded.

2010-11-28T23:11:00.002-05:00

Wounded. Hopes not lost, but still I am down
Seeking that something I can't seem to find
In silent pain, tears! No sound.
Or living a lie and flying only in my mind.

untitled.

2010-11-23T00:53:00.009-05:00

It's midday as I sit this ledge watching passers-by
Thoughts flee - my struggles; I turn to those I see
No trace of Joy in faces of the few that catch my eye
Bearing the invisible weights, named Sorrow and Agony.
Why add mine to theirs? As I contemplate a choice
To lay mine down and watch it rise into the atmosphere
I pray this act speaks stronger than Thunder's rumbling voice
That we may see the sound of Joy acute, and yet so clear.
I wrench my heart for you, and more for me (but secretly)
And grieve the heavy burdens carried, written in your frame
So lay them down and let them go, one and the same are we
I choose sweet and singing sounds of Joy, that she may know my name.

There can be no peace without war!
Is not this peace that lives within, worth dying for?

something.

2010-11-10T00:54:00.004-05:00

Say something, say anything! Why lock your love away?
So distant and afraid, life is lived from day to day
But soon this day too soon will slowly, gently disappear
And all you'll have to show for is the days lived filled with fear.
Oh dear, do something, something from the words you make
Or are they empty nothings, so that nothing I may take
I'll give you back all you gave me, and find it equals you
A something saying nothing, while yet anything would do.

lips.

2010-11-04T01:14:00.003-04:00

Lips.
Sexy shaped mouth.
Faint red-violet and plush, meeting at the center
Stare if I dare you glance and see
Me wanting... Lips. Yours please?
Soft?
Warm?
Smooth?
Close my eyes - I feel! Is it real?
Is it real?
Is it?

echo (echo).

2010-11-02T00:29:00.006-04:00

If you say you love me once, can I count on that forever?
All I hear is the echo of my lonely voice.
All I hear is the echo of my lonely voice.

jilted.

2010-10-18T16:54:00.003-04:00

My name is Jilted.
I am the lover that you will never return your love back to.
Yet I keep on giving and giving; gluttonous for punishment.
But I must give what I have, because it is who I am and what
I've been made to be for you.
For my love is pure and right.
Will you one day open the eyes of your heart in this life?
Oh, I wish you could see, but not just selfishly,
but more of all you are and can be.
There’s so much out there just waiting to be grasped.
If only, if only, if only. So call me my name
I am Lover. I am yours.
Jilted Lover.

nothing left.

2010-09-21T22:26:00.008-04:00

Breathing seems so easy, but I fight for each and every gasp
I’m sick of speaking of pain, how much longer will it last?
Only for a season? So why does mine run to eternity?
My God, My God, oh save me from this insanity
This curse is within in me, so as I am living I am dying
A gift? If mine, there’s far less joys than crying
I cannot cry aloud because the pain is too severe
And even the joys are met with bitter, bittersweet tears
What You have gifted me it seems you think that I can bear
But I am dying in my grief. I’m dying in despair!

There’s nothing left inside of me.

haunted.

2010-08-16T16:57:00.006-04:00

Haunted by visions past, tormenting me in present
I run to find a place that's safe with shelter
While eyes of scorn reduce me to a peasant,
I shout my pleas and cries in helter-skelter.
Though bruised by you and those who do not know,
My silence speaks that you are not my friend.
Preferring death than turn the path I go
And where? I'm sure I'll see it in the end.
The end begins in death, then life - I live today
Barely holding on to what is holding me
So give your best of all your worst this way
I run to find a place that sets me free!

Chased by these demons that are so haunting me
I cry the Truth of what you cannot see.

dream (not her).

2010-08-10T04:32:00.013-04:00

Don't let me dream of her tonight
The past is present woe.
I'd like not dream of her tonight
Please let me let her go.
Her claws sink deep into my back
She laughs as my skin crawls.
I scream! No sound. The pain. My back!
As blood drip slowly falls.
Let Go! "Oh no! You're all of mine
Till death we'll never part
And as you bleed, you'll know that I'm
The one who killed your heart.
So die my love, my fool of love!"
I'll die! I shall not live!
"If death is what you wish my love,
Then death I shall not give."
I've died so very long ago,
And yet, I'm still alive.
Between two worlds, no place to go
Faint hope... I barely thrive.
Don't let me dream of her tonight.
I'd rather dream... of you!

hug.

2010-07-08T01:04:00.005-04:00

Once young and naive, much more now he knows
And oh how he sees the way the world goes.
They speak of true love, but tis only a word
Money they crave and obey when it's heard.
But Virtue once lost calls to him again
And he'll die alone, than to lose this dear friend
He takes off his mask, revealing the fragile
His flesh 'mongst cold stones, yet still very agile
Soft skin bearing bruises, so easily bleeds
Out red drops of love which also he needs
Two arms open wide, yet passers-by smug
Silently calling, for someone to hug.

up and away.

2010-06-21T23:32:00.000-04:00

Up, up and away! To heights alone; not in despair.
As I cling to the darkness in the heaven's night
To see what few eyes in these skies ever dare
And dazzled by the twinkling and sparkling starry light
Flying free and shooting down, the earth below my feet
The envy for those bound to tread and toil the ground
Look up as I look on. Embrace when our paths meet.
Discover as I uncover many mysteries to be found.
I find in You a resting soul to comfort my unrest
You see in me - what do you see? A story to be told
For one to write the tale of woe and glory in my quest
The chapter's final ending, I may never hold.

Held up by the breath of heaven's air
Yet ever yearning the touch of earthly care.

june.

2010-06-16T00:31:00.000-04:00

Ah June! The month of birth where flowers bloom
Rains wash and bath its earthly skin
The air so thick and pleasing to consume
To breathe... and sigh this joy within.
Ah June! The sun is ripe with sweetest rays
And moistens flesh that glistens and does glow
Warmth that warms the heart and soul to praise
Summer's the stage and you... the show.
Ah June! Why do you come and leave so soon?
I'll miss the tunes you play me now
I'll miss the star's June Dance before the moon
Giver of smiles, I give mine back, to you and bow.

this world.

2010-06-12T15:56:00.000-04:00

I see a new world with two suns. One in the heavens, the other on the earth.
And clouds in the sky, on earth and within the seas. What a world is this that I see!

In this world, birds kiss in mid air. Yes! Two hummingbirds - as the two sun's blaze. Blazing their rays, above and below. They embrace each other with a heartfelt kiss... as they flutter together at wing tips length.

At night... it's day, and the stars fill the skies - twinkling! But still retain their nightly brilliance. It's as if they are standing at an arms distance away. You can pluck one, or two, or three right out of the very blue sky. Stars in the trees and even on a bush on the ground. Oh my! Stars are just everywhere! Everywhere you look they will be found.

Now that I have seen this world... this, new world; I would much like to go. Go and visit this... world. The only concern: how to get there! I have seen it and know it's real. I’ve seen a picture, so it must be real. Mustn't it? I will search this world to the ends of this... world. I must find a way, I simply must! Find a way to get there. Get there. I will get there one day.

spring.

2010-05-19T19:26:00.000-04:00

The Blessed sweetness of the song you sing.
Spring!Desperately waiting you doing your thing
Sing! Red, violet-white colors sway as the sounds ring.
Shades. As sunlit beam rays gently plays
With me in this day I soak up your gaze
Beauty. Searching for ways to place you in phrase
I simply just smile on my knees.
And the breeze so pleases as it likes to tease
Upon my skin, I awe this grace and eloquent ease.
Blow Spring winds and release budding petals high
Now fluttering like white-pink butterflies
Flying through the blue heavenly skies.
I rise... And stand alone to drink you in
Such bliss as this feels more like sin
I cannot win! So charmed to you now, I am given.

love. (x)

2010-05-14T12:16:00.000-04:00

this is the last in the series of poems entitled... love. it was with great pleasure to have opened up to past and present writings on this very topic. it has also opened my heart in the sharing of my gifts and much more - gifts: writings, poetry, thoughts, choreography, performance art, dance and my music (the album is forth-coming).

i appreciate all of the kind words and comments of encouragement. i hope you enjoy these words and the adventurous journey that i am on. thank you!

last of... love?

Ah to kiss again... to one day press my lips upon thine.
This time these lips will prove a true gift divine.
I'll not cheapen, aye nay squander such treasure invaluable
Arguably, many see this thing unimaginable
That one would take it's intimacy back from pits of despair
I fear... not! Nor want what has not been given me
And so its stock increasingly rise, as dew's mist does daily.
Agree with me and speak truth; peek through this windowsill
And I implore not deny if but one kiss, on but one day will finally reveal.

love. (ix)

2010-04-20T23:33:00.000-04:00

Sing to me with eyes that sparkle so
Twinkling little star has pierced my soul
As mend I do, though well you may not know
One part left to fit this rugged hole.
I dance now that you smile and sing to me!
Though not by name, I merely read the signs
I laugh alas, still you may not agree
Look past the clouds and see that my star shines.
It shines the way it always has before
And fades not, for it only knows it's song
The clouds will pass and soon will be no more
For one plus ones does equal two stars strong!

For soon you'll one day wonder from afar
The twinkling love you feel, is still my star.

love. (viii)

2010-04-13T19:06:00.000-04:00

My love, my love, my sweet tenderness
What name shall I call when I call unto thee?
Since Love is blasphemed and trampled a mess
To call thee by such would not do justly.
So give me a name that holds thine esteem
That Love had once held; despised and disgraced.
A name far above the one that had been,
And give back thy throne and crown now displaced.
Down from the depths of my heart to my lips
The forming of such and utterance is bliss
This secret kept safe in spite constant quips,
Until our eyes meet, forever... My Kiss!

This Name is a name that I've given to thee
Now sealed in this heart that was given to me.

love. (vii)

2010-03-30T18:58:00.000-04:00

I speak and dream of love and beauty as if it were already mine
The more I desire, the quicker it eludes my grasp
Can I bear the crushing of my heart time after time?
I laugh; can no longer cry and already have died perhaps
Crucify me now! That I may feel a pain greater than the one I bear
Are listening? Can you hear through the doors of my soul?
No. It's apart of me, wishing it or I would disappear
Or gather tiny pieces back together in a whole.
Each piece - a puzzle finest as the dust of the earth
These seeds have but one want - growing whole in love again
But carries with it all I am and all that I am worth
I'll seek until I die and prove my love was not in vain.

All in this world and life may not be as it seems
Reality may lie within the dreamer and his dreams.

love. (vi)

2010-03-26T15:13:00.000-04:00

Two souls united. On a journey with one common bond
To live what seems a fantasy mere mortals couldn't dream
Awaken to what lies ahead from tender voices drawn
And lured although the path unknown and eyes have never seen
So hand in hand and step by step, together! Nothing less.
And more, of something to be said while those who pursue bail
No, this one bears the holy seal, all wholly can witness
That love's the common bond that binds and love will never fail

May God bless you as you journey and move about this life
A double portion is in store for future man and wife!

love. (v)

2010-03-09T07:09:00.000-05:00

Wild eyes that look to an adventure and to worlds and realms
Yet ever soft and more sincere that melts my heart away
Piercing arrows - powerful! That kills all false esteems
Bare and naked I am here and now before you lay
My eyes can feel your silken hands and how it gently touches
And also how each part of you is crafted to perfection
These hands of mine again will not release you from its clutches
So hand in hand a woven symbol patterns our affection
Still touched am I, in how you saw so easily this soul
That the beat, of my heart now pumps with life anew
Every part of me grips and groans to become whole
That these wild eyes and my desire, explore new worlds with you.

The body, every piece I long for, is a work of art
A masterful creation that so speeds my beating heart

love. (iv)

2010-03-01T16:34:00.000-05:00

Your warmth so covers me as no blanket does
My skin responds and glistens from your touch
Each day you're here and why? Is it because
You live to brighten days and give so much?
I wake and see your happy shining face
Your smile's a beam that's filled with pure delight
As evening brings its cool, it can't erase
The thoughts so warm and longings of your sight

I wake to the morning and look to see you soon
My dreams of sunshine, underneath the moon

love. (iii)

2010-02-22T18:19:00.000-05:00

Your eyes still shout of love and joy
Lips, faint red and soft silk kisses
Wishing they felt on mine to enjoy
You add your strikes and I'll my misses.
I dare not look upon you just this once
And sink in thoughts of happy never afters
I've had my fill with but one glance
Still look to write a sweet new chapter

If there's a God in heaven up above
We'll meet again, oh my sweet love!

love. (ii)

2010-02-19T03:23:00.000-05:00

Can you look upon another with the eyes you've given me?
This Treasure still kept safe and buried deep within my soul
Rare pearl of joy I call to you, though parted by the sea
Wild dreams and foreseen memories of mysteries yet untold
Can Time and Distance stop our hearts that beat a rhythm true?
Then dance with me right now, as I too fill my hearts content
The gift I give is music - songs I sing, I sing to you
Turn up the volume in your soul and ride the waves I've sent
Your eyes have burned an image that can never be erased
It shines and I am begging you to turn to it once more
The beat goes on and pumps and thumps and cannot be replaced
For Time has lost and Distance failed; yet Love's the one Victor

Ahh sweet love, I’ve given in to your embrace
I wait for it to rest in its proper dwelling place...

love.

2010-02-13T18:16:00.000-05:00

originally, i had planned to choose but one of my favorites on love for Valentines Day. but after reviewing my archives of writings, i am given to run a series of poems on this topic... love. the deepness of this phenomenon that rarely comes to surface in our culture. may these touch the depths of your soul.

here is the first... enjoy!

Nov. 20, 2007

I push to write of life and love anew
And though so far, I bid it come to me
Again to taste that nectar is now due
Nourishment that calls my soul to thee
Turn not away as if you cannot hear
My music is your song that bares your name
As Time goes on, our Truth so ever clear
Until that day, I drink to you again.

-m.

MUSIC & PREFORMANCE REVIEW

2009-08-20T15:34:00.001-04:00

MUSIC & PREFORMANCE REVIEW
By Sophia Beharrie, Music Educator & Classical Vocalist

April 21, 2006 Forum with guest artist: Maxidus at Piper High school, Fort Lauderdale, FL

Music by Maxidus is unique: quite unlike anything in the current popular idiom. His music is both lyric in an R & B style, while consistently holding to his Caribbean heritage. Although there are catchy rhythms and hypnotic melodies, most similarities stop there. His lyrics are complex. There is no babble or basic rhyming words, but complex sentence structure with carefully thought out text, often with a multiple meaning. This precision and attention to detail puts Maxidus in a class of his own.
Maxidus has a beautiful smooth tenor voice. He is able to stretch his upper range and comfortably use his falsetto, while also able to change dynamic intensity and vocal range instantaneously offering a sexy, sultry lower register. This speaks to his true understanding of the subtly of the human voice and of course to the formal classically trained musician he is.
The rhythmic and instrumental parts all written by him at first hearing appear to be fun, casual and straightforward. That is until further listening. When one stops listening on a superficial level and focuses on the structure, one is left breathless. The complexity of the individual instrumental parts is amazing. The panning from left to right, the harmonies, the echoing of a previous song’s motif, the layering of different voices and timbres speaks of an understanding of the classical fugue and variation made popular by Bach.
With Maxidus’ musical qualities firmly established one must move on to his performance ability. There is no lacking here. He is the consummate performer. A complete package. Not only does he give 110% at all times during performance, his dance ability is phenomenal! His training as both a professional athlete and a ballet dancer gives his ‘hip hop’ moves sharpness and clarity. While he does on occasion improvise and do free-style movement, his stage show is well produced, consistent and well rehearsed. This gives the performance a sense of polish. The intensity level is extremely high and remains consistent from the start to the finish of the show, often leaving the audience screaming for more!!!
Maxidus has it all. He is an extremely intelligent and competent musician, a talented vocalist and a phenomenal dancer. At 6’2”, with his runway model physique and commanding stage presence, he is the ultimate artist who will give all popular artists in his genre most definite competition. He is a force to be reckoned with!!!!