home. searching. beauty.

I want to go home, but where is my home?
Home is where the heart is, but where is my heart!
My heart hovers boundless in the night’s sky.
Still searching for that home in which to rest.
But now and again, a bit of home comes to me – I to her.
This temporary visit provides me with nourishment
and warmth that keeps me going just enough as I trod this path alone.

Alone… Alone? Am I now alone? Some would say that I am not.
The feelings are contrary to this fact.
It either is or isn’t no matter how deep the heart
may sink at times; but my fragile heart bleeds out this pain
constantly as I march forward on “The Mission” I have been given.
Transforming myself into what I need to be and know I can be
to accomplish this primary task. Absorbing all I can from
the souls that touch my life and those in whom I want to touch.

To touch and be touched is a gift I am deprived of from those
too far to enjoy this warm sensation. It causes me to savor and
cherish any opportunity when I can have this.

This sheds some insight on the secret of my craft – a lonely soul,
bloodied in pain for those I love so far away.
Searching for home, a place to rest in the warm arms of a love
that is out of this world.

To be touched in a way that would satisfy my cravings
for eternity. Yet a soldier, “on a mission, with a vision,
just listen, here’s how it goes…”

I want to cry out the pain and the joys for all to hear and see.
To make a presentation in the courts of Kings – among the
watchful eyes of those on earth. Though it appears to be me,
it is not me; but creating beauty
out of pure beauty itself.
And thus, this flawed beauty,
in union with absolute beauty,
just may delight all and draw them to
that same beauty.

wounded.

Wounded. Hopes not lost, but still I am down
Seeking that something I can't seem to find
In silent pain, tears! No sound.
Or living a lie and flying only in my mind.

untitled.

It's midday as I sit this ledge watching passers-by
Thoughts flee - my struggles; I turn to those I see
No trace of Joy in faces of the few that catch my eye
Bearing the invisible weights, named Sorrow and Agony.
Why add mine to theirs? As I contemplate a choice
To lay mine down and watch it rise into the atmosphere
I pray this act speaks stronger than Thunder's rumbling voice
That we may see the sound of Joy acute, and yet so clear.
I wrench my heart for you, and more for me (but secretly)
And grieve the heavy burdens carried, written in your frame
So lay them down and let them go, one and the same are we
I choose sweet and singing sounds of Joy, that she may know my name.

There can be no peace without war!
Is not this peace that lives within, worth dying for?

something.

Say something, say anything! Why lock your love away?
So distant and afraid, life is lived from day to day
But soon this day too soon will slowly, gently disappear
And all you'll have to show for is the days lived filled with fear.
Oh dear, do something, something from the words you make
Or are they empty nothings, so that nothing I may take
I'll give you back all you gave me, and find it equals you
A something saying nothing, while yet anything would do.

lips.

Lips.
Sexy shaped mouth.
Faint red-violet and plush, meeting at the center
Stare if I dare you glance and see
Me wanting... Lips. Yours please?
Soft?
Warm?
Smooth?
Close my eyes - I feel! Is it real?
Is it real?
Is it?

echo (echo).

If you say you love me once, can I count on that forever?
All I hear is the echo of my lonely voice.
All I hear is the echo of my lonely voice.

jilted.

My name is Jilted.
I am the lover that you will never return your love back to.
Yet I keep on giving and giving; gluttonous for punishment.
But I must give what I have, because it is who I am and what
I've been made to be for you.
For my love is pure and right.
Will you one day open the eyes of your heart in this life?
Oh, I wish you could see, but not just selfishly,
but more of all you are and can be.
There’s so much out there just waiting to be grasped.
If only, if only, if only. So call me my name
I am Lover. I am yours.
Jilted Lover.

nothing left.

Breathing seems so easy, but I fight for each and every gasp
I’m sick of speaking of pain, how much longer will it last?
Only for a season? So why does mine run to eternity?
My God, My God, oh save me from this insanity
This curse is within in me, so as I am living I am dying
A gift? If mine, there’s far less joys than crying
I cannot cry aloud because the pain is too severe
And even the joys are met with bitter, bittersweet tears
What You have gifted me it seems you think that I can bear
But I am dying in my grief. I’m dying in despair!

There’s nothing left inside of me.

haunted.

Haunted by visions past, tormenting me in present
I run to find a place that's safe with shelter
While eyes of scorn reduce me to a peasant,
I shout my pleas and cries in helter-skelter.
Though bruised by you and those who do not know,
My silence speaks that you are not my friend.
Preferring death than turn the path I go
And where? I'm sure I'll see it in the end.
The end begins in death, then life - I live today
Barely holding on to what is holding me
So give your best of all your worst this way
I run to find a place that sets me free!

Chased by these demons that are so haunting me
I cry the Truth of what you cannot see.

dream (not her).

Don't let me dream of her tonight
The past is present woe.
I'd like not dream of her tonight
Please let me let her go.
Her claws sink deep into my back
She laughs as my skin crawls.
I scream! No sound. The pain. My back!
As blood drip slowly falls.
Let Go! "Oh no! You're all of mine
Till death we'll never part
And as you bleed, you'll know that I'm
The one who killed your heart.
So die my love, my fool of love!"
I'll die! I shall not live!
"If death is what you wish my love,
Then death I shall not give."
I've died so very long ago,
And yet, I'm still alive.
Between two worlds, no place to go
Faint hope... I barely thrive.
Don't let me dream of her tonight.
I'd rather dream... of you!

hug.

Once young and naive, much more now he knows
And oh how he sees the way the world goes.
They speak of true love, but tis only a word
Money they crave and obey when it's heard.
But Virtue once lost calls to him again
And he'll die alone, than to lose this dear friend
He takes off his mask, revealing the fragile
His flesh 'mongst cold stones, yet still very agile
Soft skin bearing bruises, so easily bleeds
Out red drops of love which also he needs
Two arms open wide, yet passers-by smug
Silently calling, for someone to hug.

up and away.

Up, up and away! To heights alone; not in despair.
As I cling to the darkness in the heaven's night
To see what few eyes in these skies ever dare
And dazzled by the twinkling and sparkling starry light
Flying free and shooting down, the earth below my feet
The envy for those bound to tread and toil the ground
Look up as I look on. Embrace when our paths meet.
Discover as I uncover many mysteries to be found.
I find in You a resting soul to comfort my unrest
You see in me - what do you see? A story to be told
For one to write the tale of woe and glory in my quest
The chapter's final ending, I may never hold.

Held up by the breath of heaven's air
Yet ever yearning the touch of earthly care.

june.

Ah June! The month of birth where flowers bloom
Rains wash and bath its earthly skin
The air so thick and pleasing to consume
To breathe... and sigh this joy within.
Ah June! The sun is ripe with sweetest rays
And moistens flesh that glistens and does glow
Warmth that warms the heart and soul to praise
Summer's the stage and you... the show.
Ah June! Why do you come and leave so soon?
I'll miss the tunes you play me now
I'll miss the star's June Dance before the moon
Giver of smiles, I give mine back, to you and bow.

this world.

I see a new world with two suns. One in the heavens, the other on the earth.
And clouds in the sky, on earth and within the seas. What a world is this that I see!

In this world, birds kiss in mid air. Yes! Two hummingbirds - as the two sun's blaze. Blazing their rays, above and below. They embrace each other with a heartfelt kiss... as they flutter together at wing tips length.

At night... it's day, and the stars fill the skies - twinkling! But still retain their nightly brilliance. It's as if they are standing at an arms distance away. You can pluck one, or two, or three right out of the very blue sky. Stars in the trees and even on a bush on the ground. Oh my! Stars are just everywhere! Everywhere you look they will be found.

Now that I have seen this world... this, new world; I would much like to go. Go and visit this... world. The only concern: how to get there! I have seen it and know it's real. I’ve seen a picture, so it must be real. Mustn't it? I will search this world to the ends of this... world. I must find a way, I simply must! Find a way to get there. Get there. I will get there one day.

spring.

The Blessed sweetness of the song you sing.
Spring!Desperately waiting you doing your thing
Sing! Red, violet-white colors sway as the sounds ring.
Shades. As sunlit beam rays gently plays
With me in this day I soak up your gaze
Beauty. Searching for ways to place you in phrase
I simply just smile on my knees.
And the breeze so pleases as it likes to tease
Upon my skin, I awe this grace and eloquent ease.
Blow Spring winds and release budding petals high
Now fluttering like white-pink butterflies
Flying through the blue heavenly skies.
I rise... And stand alone to drink you in
Such bliss as this feels more like sin
I cannot win! So charmed to you now, I am given.

love. (x)

this is the last in the series of poems entitled... love. it was with great pleasure to have opened up to past and present writings on this very topic. it has also opened my heart in the sharing of my gifts and much more - gifts: writings, poetry, thoughts, choreography, performance art, dance and my music (the album is forth-coming).

i appreciate all of the kind words and comments of encouragement. i hope you enjoy these words and the adventurous journey that i am on. thank you!

last of... love?

Ah to kiss again... to one day press my lips upon thine.
This time these lips will prove a true gift divine.
I'll not cheapen, aye nay squander such treasure invaluable
Arguably, many see this thing unimaginable
That one would take it's intimacy back from pits of despair
I fear... not! Nor want what has not been given me
And so its stock increasingly rise, as dew's mist does daily.
Agree with me and speak truth; peek through this windowsill
And I implore not deny if but one kiss, on but one day will finally reveal.

love. (ix)

Sing to me with eyes that sparkle so
Twinkling little star has pierced my soul
As mend I do, though well you may not know
One part left to fit this rugged hole.
I dance now that you smile and sing to me!
Though not by name, I merely read the signs
I laugh alas, still you may not agree
Look past the clouds and see that my star shines.
It shines the way it always has before
And fades not, for it only knows it's song
The clouds will pass and soon will be no more
For one plus ones does equal two stars strong!

For soon you'll one day wonder from afar
The twinkling love you feel, is still my star.

love. (viii)

My love, my love, my sweet tenderness
What name shall I call when I call unto thee?
Since Love is blasphemed and trampled a mess
To call thee by such would not do justly.
So give me a name that holds thine esteem
That Love had once held; despised and disgraced.
A name far above the one that had been,
And give back thy throne and crown now displaced.
Down from the depths of my heart to my lips
The forming of such and utterance is bliss
This secret kept safe in spite constant quips,
Until our eyes meet, forever... My Kiss!

This Name is a name that I've given to thee
Now sealed in this heart that was given to me.

love. (vii)

I speak and dream of love and beauty as if it were already mine
The more I desire, the quicker it eludes my grasp
Can I bear the crushing of my heart time after time?
I laugh; can no longer cry and already have died perhaps
Crucify me now! That I may feel a pain greater than the one I bear
Are listening? Can you hear through the doors of my soul?
No. It's apart of me, wishing it or I would disappear
Or gather tiny pieces back together in a whole.
Each piece - a puzzle finest as the dust of the earth
These seeds have but one want - growing whole in love again
But carries with it all I am and all that I am worth
I'll seek until I die and prove my love was not in vain.

All in this world and life may not be as it seems
Reality may lie within the dreamer and his dreams.

love. (vi)

Two souls united. On a journey with one common bond
To live what seems a fantasy mere mortals couldn't dream
Awaken to what lies ahead from tender voices drawn
And lured although the path unknown and eyes have never seen
So hand in hand and step by step, together! Nothing less.
And more, of something to be said while those who pursue bail
No, this one bears the holy seal, all wholly can witness
That love's the common bond that binds and love will never fail

May God bless you as you journey and move about this life
A double portion is in store for future man and wife!

love. (v)

Wild eyes that look to an adventure and to worlds and realms
Yet ever soft and more sincere that melts my heart away
Piercing arrows - powerful! That kills all false esteems
Bare and naked I am here and now before you lay
My eyes can feel your silken hands and how it gently touches
And also how each part of you is crafted to perfection
These hands of mine again will not release you from its clutches
So hand in hand a woven symbol patterns our affection
Still touched am I, in how you saw so easily this soul
That the beat, of my heart now pumps with life anew
Every part of me grips and groans to become whole
That these wild eyes and my desire, explore new worlds with you.

The body, every piece I long for, is a work of art
A masterful creation that so speeds my beating heart

love. (iv)

Your warmth so covers me as no blanket does
My skin responds and glistens from your touch
Each day you're here and why? Is it because
You live to brighten days and give so much?
I wake and see your happy shining face
Your smile's a beam that's filled with pure delight
As evening brings its cool, it can't erase
The thoughts so warm and longings of your sight

I wake to the morning and look to see you soon
My dreams of sunshine, underneath the moon

love. (iii)

Your eyes still shout of love and joy
Lips, faint red and soft silk kisses
Wishing they felt on mine to enjoy
You add your strikes and I'll my misses.
I dare not look upon you just this once
And sink in thoughts of happy never afters
I've had my fill with but one glance
Still look to write a sweet new chapter

If there's a God in heaven up above
We'll meet again, oh my sweet love!

love. (ii)

Can you look upon another with the eyes you've given me?
This Treasure still kept safe and buried deep within my soul
Rare pearl of joy I call to you, though parted by the sea
Wild dreams and foreseen memories of mysteries yet untold
Can Time and Distance stop our hearts that beat a rhythm true?
Then dance with me right now, as I too fill my hearts content
The gift I give is music - songs I sing, I sing to you
Turn up the volume in your soul and ride the waves I've sent
Your eyes have burned an image that can never be erased
It shines and I am begging you to turn to it once more
The beat goes on and pumps and thumps and cannot be replaced
For Time has lost and Distance failed; yet Love's the one Victor

Ahh sweet love, I’ve given in to your embrace
I wait for it to rest in its proper dwelling place...

love.

originally, i had planned to choose but one of my favorites on love for Valentines Day. but after reviewing my archives of writings, i am given to run a series of poems on this topic... love. the deepness of this phenomenon that rarely comes to surface in our culture. may these touch the depths of your soul.

here is the first... enjoy!

Nov. 20, 2007

I push to write of life and love anew
And though so far, I bid it come to me
Again to taste that nectar is now due
Nourishment that calls my soul to thee
Turn not away as if you cannot hear
My music is your song that bares your name
As Time goes on, our Truth so ever clear
Until that day, I drink to you again.

-m.